Monday afternoon

Had a minor scare just now that I had either lost or had my wallet stolen, although fortunately I found it in an unlikely place after it had fallen out of a pack I was carrying. In the meantime I had called to cancel my credit card, which was no big deal because I rarely used it anyway. My phonecall of course was directed to India where a woman in a cubicle tried her best to mimic an American accent and took some information to freeze the account. I would have missed my drivers license and bank card the most, for I regularly go to Mac machines and would have needed the license to fly to Minnesota in two weeks. In any case replacing all that paper would have been a hassle and fortunately was not necessary.
As I think about them,outsourced phonecalls do not bother me, for I think that it is about time we Americans spread some of the wealth around, and workers in China and India and other countries finally are inching towards a middle class. $5,000 a year overseas is comparable to $40,000 here, and has lifted a lot of people out of poverty. In truth Americans had better prepare themselves for more shocks to come, for the next two decades are going to see increased outsourcing and competition for jobs and resources...Political and economic instability are not certain, but if the 2 billion people looking for a better way of life do not get it, wars and/or economic depression are always a possibility. Personally I think we all can downsize without affecting our quality of life, but it is hard to convince the typical citizen of that...

Healthcare, etc

There is a state hospital in Warren,and I sometimes pass groups of patients as they are chaperoned along the bike path on their daily walk. They display varying degrees of infirmity, both physical and mental, and show dispositions that range from exuberant to withdrawn. Most of them return my greetings or initiate their own with a spontaneity that shames me sometimes, for I am often distracted by my inner thoughts and see that so-called "normal" people are lost in music players and cell phones and other self absorptions. On the whole the patients display a connection to the present moment that is admirable to me. Perhaps my initial feelings of sympathy are unwarranted,yet whenever I witness people less fortunate than myself I invariably gives thanks for my blessings and apologize to my angels for whatever insolence I have shown over the years.
Modern medicine has enabled society to prolong the lives of people who might otherwise have died, and with all good intentions we have created a system in which illness and death have become enemies to be avoided at any cost. As the nation shifts its expectations toward government sponsored healthcare, I hope that our discussions include self responsibility and financial limitations to those people who show no accountability for their own bodies. Should obligatory compassion and monies be directed towards persons who do not assume the most rudimentary of personal self care?
I do not propose to have the answers, but will resent the imposition of government regulations that Force me to buy insurance to sustain a bloated healthcare system that indulges poor habits. Because I personally do not fear illness and death as many in this society seem to do, I perceive no honor in artificially extending life beyond what is dignified. Einstein once said, "It is tasteless to prolong life artificially. I have done my share, it is time to go. I will do it elegantly." No doubt he would be at odds with the pharmaceutically addicted majority, yet were waste and fraud to be controlled-and were people to assume personal responsibility- there would be plenty of money for affordable medicine. It seems to me that the crisis is not so dire as is the mismanagement and the pervasive sense of entitlement that afflicts both rich and poor... Meanwhile a half billion worldwide are dying of malnutrition as we demand heart transplants.
So I guess the caretakers out for a walk in the park with their patients have it right: Do what you can in your own space and take care of the people around you

Babble

Greetings fellow cyberelectrons- I returned from the Allentown area on the 16th and have been busy all week painting and doing other minor repairs to a small motorhome that I bought from an old friend. At 34 years young it is in surprisingly good shape other than for the cosmetic effects of time, and it runs well. I do not expect to use it much-particularly at ten or eleven miles a gallon, but the price was right and I wanted the option of a rent free roof over my head for the future.
Earlier in the month I had taken a short vacation to Maine with my mother, sister, one of her daughters and one of my sons, which turned out to be a pleasant time for all of us, with rare 85 degree beach weather and of course the good food. My mother's sister and husband and one daughter-who also lived in the Kennybunk area for many years-accompanied us, so it was a family reunion of sorts and appreciated particularly by my mom, who loves the ocean and has many memories of New England. At her age she may not have another opportunity to visit...She is presently in the hospital recovering from a mild bout of pneumonia, but should be released today and in truth has probably benefited from the pampering of the nurses and their admonitions to eat and drink more. She sometimes overexerts herself and expects to keep going with scarcely more than a few mouthfuls of food, yet always seems to keep her spirits high and find the good in people....
The weather here in Warren has been spectacular this week, with sunshine and temperatures in the mid 70's...Upon returning from the east I was again struck by the compact, humble beauty of this town, set in the low mountains of western PA and purring along at a relaxed, rural pace which the populated areas to the east can no longer offer.Everything one needs is within walking distance, at least so long as one can walk a mile or two. If not,a bicycle path leads to the end of town and there are buses. The somewhat depressed economy and isolation are paradoxically the source of it's charm, so I envision tourism to the nearby Kinzua lake and the Allegheny forest as the primary opportunity for growth. This area truly is an undiscovered gem with beauty and allure exceeding the more famous Poconos.
I shall have to refocus my attention to the book after all these distractions, but the time away has been necessary for perspective and inspiration...I do not have writer's 'blocks' so much as grow weary from too many words and need to balance analytical thinking with simple, practical Living... so doing things like painting and changing oil and other everyday tasks-without Thinking- offers a Reality that the inner life lacks.

Words and Writing

Yesterday I was contacted by the PR firm of Joel and Charlotte Parker, whom Walkfit has hired to look into the possibility of using me as part of their promotions. In response to their request for personal information about me and to introduce myself as clearly as possible, I emailed the beginning draft of my book, which I figured would give them a quick synopsis of my personal thought processes. While rereading that early draft this morning, the need for certain revisions jumped off the pages like a twist in my gut, so I guess that is the risk of letting things be seen prematurely: there is no bringing them back. I prefer to write and re-write in solitude until I am satisfied that the words and sentences and rhythm are as coherent as I can make them. If other people do not like them after I am finished, at least I can defend them to myself. Now there is a rough draft out there, parts of which are embarrassing to me. At any rate the book is irrelevant to the Walkfit endorsement except in the sense that the insoles cured my sore feet and allowed me to do the walk pain free.
Of course writers are somewhat obsessive-neurotic even-about words, and take them far too seriously while at the same time realizing they are meaningless without the actions to support them. All the words in the world will not stop a war nor save a dying love. I personally have heard too many talking heads in my life not to be a little cynical of what anyone says until they back themselves up with their behaviors. And I long ago stopped writing letters to newspapers because they have seemed useless in affecting public actions, or the editors have butchered words in order to save space. I do not suppose that Van Gogh or Mozart would have appreciated if someone had erased their colors or omitted a few notes. But?...well..I like to write and feel obligated to my God to use that talent,so hopefully someone, somewhere, has been inspired by something I have said if I have said it well.

Aging

While walking today, I thought that were my life not to have been written down or remembered by others, I might conclude that it had never occurred, so sparse is my recollection of it. Those things that I Do remember must be retrieved from a vague, faraway place that is shrouded as if by a mist or fog, and which require my deliberate attention to see clearly. What value then is a life which to it's main participant becomes mostly blank space? Certainly it is nothing specific that I have done or have not done, at least not in the order that I might value it, for often I have been reminded months or years later of the affect of something I had said or done that I had long forgotten or disregarded. Perhaps the only way to fill in the blank spaces is by soliciting the recollections of others and finding a collective value among all of them. Pictures and children and possessions offer physical proof that I have existed where my memory fails me, but when I think that most of human history has been lost or forgotten, it is hard to take too seriously anything I or anyone else has done. There is a collective amnesia to every generation -or entire civilizations -which appears unavoidable so that we repeat the same mistakes and successes as both individuals and societies. Being something of a spiritualist, or at least, a skeptical optimist, I tend to think that the value of a life is measured by the love and tolerance we learn and then return to the world. Not just to humanity, but to the Universe at large as it were. That is a difficult thing to do sometimes, although it appears that good intentions are as important as results...
While watching my 83 year young mother grow older, I have noticed that the blank spaces in her memory have lengthened and become more frequent, so that even five minutes ago may partially vanish from her awareness. Yet I am inspired by her continuing good spirit despite her ailments, so that she has become not a bitter old woman rather a bemused one, and remains able to laugh at her dwindling powers. Something truly good and wonderful has survived in her, and continues to bring value to both herself and those who know her. In that sense there have been no blank spaces and her failing memory is irrelevant to the kind heart she has always shown.

I am currently reading a book called 'The Winds of Change' which argues that civilizations have prospered and collapsed in conjunction with climate change, which may or may not be true. Certainly resource depletion profoundly affects the stability of a society, and sometimes the availability of those resources is affected by climate changes beyond human control. Yet the current debate over climate change is unlikely to change the eventual outcome, because neither individuals nor societies seem willing to alter their lifestyles until a crisis is upon them, and that crisis apparently will arrive despite the warning signs we have all witnessed. Maybe wisdom-or skyrocketing prices -will encourage a reduction in human consumption sufficient to avoid planet wide suffering, but so far most Americans are ignoring the issue in their personal habits, and at any rate, with other societies clamoring for the American lifestyle the breaking point will eventually be reached.
Other than living simply in my personal life, I do not worry much over such possibilities, nor dwell on pessimism, for I see a kind of inevitability to them in our human nature. The planet has endured major environmental catastrophes in the past, so either by our own hand or through some external force, Humans likely will become one more extinct species. If there is anything to conclude it is that it is a shame, simply a shame, that with our intelligence and foresight and capacity to do good we have chosen instead to live so vainly and selfishly. Rather than to have been honorable stewards of our world and lived to our highest potential, we have consistently chosen to waste our potential-not all of us of course, and not always intentionally-but often enough to have created our present predicament. So the population continues to grow, and the oil and the oceans and our other resources continue to be depleted, and so?...The juncture of all these global issues is coming within the lifetime of our children, whether we are ready or not

Summer

August has arrived, with a hot afternoon that would make swimming the wisest of pasttimes, although I-like most people-have been too busy and ingrained in my habits to swim. Instead, I have been working around the office moving old medical charts and trying to write the book in between my usual walk. Actually, I enjoy heat more than cold, and find something animalistic about dripping with sweat on a hot afternoon. It makes me feel alive and potent and better able to touch the primal instincts...in fact, it doesn't get any more Real than defecating out of doors while perspiring heavily as the blowflies come to feed. Such things strip away all the pretensions I have about being 'above' the so called animals- deeply personal and humbling. People sometimes complain of the hot or the cold after walking a short distance from their cars to a building, yet if they allowed themselves sufficient time to acclimate to the outdoors they might find it to be not so hot or cold as they first suspected. Thoreau used to say of his woodpile that it warmed him twice-once to cut the logs and again to burn them- so maybe we should occasionally raise or lower our inner thermostats rather than waste oil. I'm not sure at what age we lose our wisdom and sit in air conditioning rather than cool our feet in a pool or stream, but if resources are becoming as scarce as the scientists tell us, and the atmosphere really is warming, then those alternatives from our past are still there to enjoy.