Love, or something else

It's been a mixed road in my life so far as female relationships are concerned, and most recently I was labeled a "f-head" by someone who has claimed to be in love with me. For whatever reason, probably my independent nature, I have had no pressing need for companionship and ultimately have either been unwilling or unable to romantically give women what they want. Perhaps because of my inexperience I simply chose unwisely and it is only in middle age that I know clearly the kind of woman I would wish to spend time with. Spontaneous laughter without judgment would be a good start. Many years ago a close friend said of love, " You have to find someone you want to give to", ( ..and who wants to give back ) and that sounds true enough to me. Another workmate once said that love is " an ever growing affinity to be with another person to the point of physical discomfort upon separation". Jackson Browne has many good things to say in his songs, with "Sky Blue and Black" perhaps his definitive masterpiece regarding the hope and madness that relationships draw out of people.
I look around me at couples who have survived the challenges of marriage and stayed friends and lovers, some of whom met one another at a young age when they could not possibly have known what they were looking for, yet somehow they did, so their wisdom or good fate astonishes me. Love certainly does not seem to have anything to do with raw intellect, or age, for I see people of all kinds who make it work and other equally good or bad people who do not. I have friends and acquaintances who have never had loving families, nor known even a few years of loving companionship, nor found the joys and trials of children, and I wonder why the 'hardship has been piled' on them...fate? bad luck? chance?karma?genes? When I look closely at my own life I find that my present emotional reactions and anxieties trace all the way back to the womb, so in one sense our personalities are set in stone and there is little we can do other than recognize our inner truths in hours of need. We are all of one mind in our need for love-where ever and however we find it.
While I am walking I sometimes see an injured or struggling insect and I spontaneously bend over to help it to the side of the road, or help it fly, and show it great compassion without thinking, then later I wonder why that kind of kindness comes so easy to me yet people can be a struggle. At such moments I ask Heaven to help ease the suffering of that fellow creature and hope that Heaven hears me. I don't know if any of it matters but I tell myself that love of any kind is why we are here.