Spirituality and Science

This will be a long entry, so bear with me...It might be meaningful to someone... To begin, here is a journal entry I made on March 3rd, 1993:
" I passed my walk in a trance of sorts, conversing with what could be described as my 'soul'-the soul of 'me'-convinced at the time and with all certainty that this was my 'spirit', that part of me in eternity, separate from my humanity as though a separate person, wholly calm and rational and quite patient with the hundred questions 'I' asked of 'it', not wishing to relinquish it's serenity and seeking to know it's source. This 'spirit' called itself my soul as of only One soul-a part of the eternal that was manifested in my present physical form-and revealed with 'God' as the source, the 'cement' of all souls, the Oversoul of sorts, the timeless, formless spiriuality in which all souls passed while occasionally touching as needed the temporal existence of material reality. I asked why I did not always 'feel' it's presence, to which it replied that I forget to ask or hadn't always the need. As I had recently been reminded of pain from some seven years earlier, I suspected that this internal 'power' had been rekindled as a 'shield' against a similiar loss of identity, although whether a figment of my imagination or an 'external' spirit was of no consequence to me at that moment. Neither was I feeling anxious or emotional at that point in my life, and my daily walk had started normally when I had exited my car. At length I became mesmerized by this serene state for a full hour and a half as I sauntered over several miles. At one point I asked if the 'answers' it gave were not merely repetitions of things I had read in some book of religion, to which it replied that these answers were similar because other persons had had comparable experiences and also had written them down. At the time I was convinced of the 'truth' of that answer, so 'real' was the experience. I asked if 'souls' were reincarnated, and if insects and the like had 'souls', to which 'it' answered 'yes', and referred to a fly that was crawling on the snow. Part of the insects 'soul' was human once but preferred being an insect because an insect does not feel pain nor joy as a human does, only a more routine existence. I asked why people fight wars, etc, to which it replied that some people ignore their soul/spirit in materialistic pursuits-just as I and most people ignored and forgot our higher parts in our day to day lives. Despite the many kinds of humans-some more cognizant of 'ethereal' ideas than others- avoidance or ignorance did not diminish the 'reality' of spirit- pursuit of material knowledge was noble while in the living state, but that all returned to 'spirit/soul' in the end. 'It' said that there was no Time, that whether a soul passed one human lifetime or twenty as a tree, it was nothing to it and one was simply back where one started. The 'spirit' reported that there were a "few other planets with intelligent life", but unlikely to be contacted within the existence of Earth. When I asked about some selfish practices I had been conscious of within myself, it replied without judgement that they were mere 'human quirks' of This lifetime and simply to temper them with love and respect for others...This conversation was so real that four hours later I was puzzled as to it's meaning. When I first became aware of the 'duality' of my personality my immediate reaction was 'I am Not insane' and at no time thereafter did I not accept the absolute Truth of the phenomenon as at least being the final source of my identity as 'Me'-my 'soul' as opposed to my 'brain', with the distinction at the time as somehow being real and Important. I broke contact hesitantly, so contented was it's influence, although this 'spirit' assured me that it was always there whenever I wished or needed. It was, in effect, my main 'angel', my direct line to the 'spirtual' levels if I wished to keep them open."
March 2nd, 1993:
"I walk with my 'soul' for another hour this morning, probing it for its reality, and remain convinced at least of the reality of the Certainty of it's strength and serenty. It tells me that I am unconvinced simply because I am human and prone to rational explanations, that in the end I can not and will not deny it's enduring 'ethereal reality'. At death all return to the Source, the soul that is woven through materialism and communicates through sensations and impressions and, in a more limited sense, words. It tells me that our forgetting is one source of the purpose of being and of our questions. My questions about the origin of Matter were dismissed as having no relevance, for matter does not exist except as part of the whole Energy. Existence always was, and Is, 'timelessly'. When I asked if 'God' invented the Universe, it replied that God Is the Universe, and to deny the reality of 'God/soul/spirit' did not change the Reality of it. I recall the word "tentacles" as being used to describe how 'soul' touches and bridges the material world, so that the 'souls' of say, insects and humans do not differ so much as are conduits of the same non- material, eternal Unity- the 'One'- that infuses everything."
2007:
My interpretations of that experience, and other mystical experiences I have had since then, remain the foundation of all my faith, but there is never any knowing for certain. I mean, what distinqushes talking to angels from talking to devils but the benevolent nature of the message, and one does not need spiritual explanations for altruistic behaviors. I have read the science of Darwin and Einstein, and heard the arguments of Dawkins and Hitchens and many others, and I have read the Bible and the Koran and Buddhist texts and Life after Life books and all the rest. I have passed thousands of hours in solitary meditations and ripped myself apart to try to find the truth. In my youth I recall arguing that 'life is all chemicals', so I did not start out looking for spiritualism, rather my introspections led me in that direction. I call my self a skeptical optimist who finds his redemption in the reports of near death experiencers, whose stories of unconditional love and acceptance and Unity are closest to what I experienced. Transcendent sensations can no more be proven to be 'real' with logic and rational thought than an orgasm can be proven to be pleasureable. They are what the scientists call 'qualia' and I suspect will always be beyond our measurements. I could just as soon 'prove' that an electrode in the brain can elicit feelings similar to a candelight dinner, but that would not be the same experience. Nothing is ever all 'in the mind' if consciousness is continually being formed instant to instant from the inner And the outer realities. With no real boundaries at the quantum level it is all what I call a 'constructed illusion'-an evaporate of the instant-a human part of the Universal Intelligence...I rather believe that our finest measuring tool to intuit reality is consciousness itself -that is if we can avoid self delusion. Even atheism requires a profound faith in rationalism, and I have not observed that science and technology have been our saviors-at least not without the wisdom to apply them.
So what has any of this to do with the Ten Commandments? -Simply that because all thought is self affecting and influences how we live and what our societies become-as well as the pain or joy we cause one another, rules such as the commandments-religious curruptions aside- can offer ideals for making our lives a little more empathetic. I do not suscribe to particular religions, rather believe in the potential for good that resides in every human being. GOD in that sense is the Love we find within us and express in our actions. The common tenet "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", is not enough in a world where religious zealots and other sociopaths commit murder in the name of 'God'- as if that kind of hate and anger and negativity have anything to do with the benevolent, Positive energy of a truly Loving spirit. So I would add that one should also "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them"... Seen from that perspective few people would defend the murderous and oppressive behaviors we see in some cultures of this world. If a religion-or any human being- does not practice love and tolerance and peace, it has been distorted by ego and politics into something less, but it remains the responsibility of individuals to enlighten themselves to higher ideals.

Thanksgiving

All went well on Saturday...Here are just a few pics to convey the spirit of the day...Hope everyone had a nice holiday, and can look forward to a meaningful Christmas...

Photographs

Well, finally I have obtained a digital camera-a Panasonic model FS 70, seven mega pixel-which I bought at Big Lots for $99...As a kid I can remember using an old Kodak Brownie on which the viewfinder was a mirror contraption that you looked down into while composing the shot. To say that technology has progressed since then is an understatement. For a 'simple' point and shoot this camera represents amazing possibilities that simply did not exist 20 years ago. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words and well, I reckon it's true.
As far as I can tell the Walkfit shoot went smoothly and everyone seemed pleased, with a probable release date of February '08... I've not heard much feedback from Los Angeles but I Know that they are busy with editing and other post production details. Personally, I was just winging it and tried to have fun while observing the whole process...If you've never been to the Mall of America and happen to pass through Minnesota, it is worth a look ;)
As for Life, Everyone is well in Warren... truly...We'll be having Thanksgiving on Saturday at my sister's house (ten of us), so I'll be cooking the turkey and some frozen pies, me mum will do the gravy and incidentals, and everyone seems to be looking forward to it...It's only the second time in almost thirty years that I have not had work and excessive distance keeping me from the table..which was a disgrace really, but not wholly of my choosing...so do y'all see why the book has been called Anti-Clock?

Autumn

Just finished a drive with me mum around Kinzua lake, which is about 8 miles from here, and the leaves are about as beautiful as I have ever seen them.Warren is in the heart of the mts. so everywhere you look is brilliant color-truly an under appreciated part of the nation... On the 22nd I leave for Minneapolis to work with Walkfit on a new infomercial that they are filming in the Mall of America...Should be fun to combine work and pleasure...Meanwhile I'm just workin/writin/readin & walkin in the nice October air :~)

Monday afternoon

Had a minor scare just now that I had either lost or had my wallet stolen, although fortunately I found it in an unlikely place after it had fallen out of a pack I was carrying. In the meantime I had called to cancel my credit card, which was no big deal because I rarely used it anyway. My phonecall of course was directed to India where a woman in a cubicle tried her best to mimic an American accent and took some information to freeze the account. I would have missed my drivers license and bank card the most, for I regularly go to Mac machines and would have needed the license to fly to Minnesota in two weeks. In any case replacing all that paper would have been a hassle and fortunately was not necessary.
As I think about them,outsourced phonecalls do not bother me, for I think that it is about time we Americans spread some of the wealth around, and workers in China and India and other countries finally are inching towards a middle class. $5,000 a year overseas is comparable to $40,000 here, and has lifted a lot of people out of poverty. In truth Americans had better prepare themselves for more shocks to come, for the next two decades are going to see increased outsourcing and competition for jobs and resources...Political and economic instability are not certain, but if the 2 billion people looking for a better way of life do not get it, wars and/or economic depression are always a possibility. Personally I think we all can downsize without affecting our quality of life, but it is hard to convince the typical citizen of that...

Healthcare, etc

There is a state hospital in Warren,and I sometimes pass groups of patients as they are chaperoned along the bike path on their daily walk. They display varying degrees of infirmity, both physical and mental, and show dispositions that range from exuberant to withdrawn. Most of them return my greetings or initiate their own with a spontaneity that shames me sometimes, for I am often distracted by my inner thoughts and see that so-called "normal" people are lost in music players and cell phones and other self absorptions. On the whole the patients display a connection to the present moment that is admirable to me. Perhaps my initial feelings of sympathy are unwarranted,yet whenever I witness people less fortunate than myself I invariably gives thanks for my blessings and apologize to my angels for whatever insolence I have shown over the years.
Modern medicine has enabled society to prolong the lives of people who might otherwise have died, and with all good intentions we have created a system in which illness and death have become enemies to be avoided at any cost. As the nation shifts its expectations toward government sponsored healthcare, I hope that our discussions include self responsibility and financial limitations to those people who show no accountability for their own bodies. Should obligatory compassion and monies be directed towards persons who do not assume the most rudimentary of personal self care?
I do not propose to have the answers, but will resent the imposition of government regulations that Force me to buy insurance to sustain a bloated healthcare system that indulges poor habits. Because I personally do not fear illness and death as many in this society seem to do, I perceive no honor in artificially extending life beyond what is dignified. Einstein once said, "It is tasteless to prolong life artificially. I have done my share, it is time to go. I will do it elegantly." No doubt he would be at odds with the pharmaceutically addicted majority, yet were waste and fraud to be controlled-and were people to assume personal responsibility- there would be plenty of money for affordable medicine. It seems to me that the crisis is not so dire as is the mismanagement and the pervasive sense of entitlement that afflicts both rich and poor... Meanwhile a half billion worldwide are dying of malnutrition as we demand heart transplants.
So I guess the caretakers out for a walk in the park with their patients have it right: Do what you can in your own space and take care of the people around you

Babble

Greetings fellow cyberelectrons- I returned from the Allentown area on the 16th and have been busy all week painting and doing other minor repairs to a small motorhome that I bought from an old friend. At 34 years young it is in surprisingly good shape other than for the cosmetic effects of time, and it runs well. I do not expect to use it much-particularly at ten or eleven miles a gallon, but the price was right and I wanted the option of a rent free roof over my head for the future.
Earlier in the month I had taken a short vacation to Maine with my mother, sister, one of her daughters and one of my sons, which turned out to be a pleasant time for all of us, with rare 85 degree beach weather and of course the good food. My mother's sister and husband and one daughter-who also lived in the Kennybunk area for many years-accompanied us, so it was a family reunion of sorts and appreciated particularly by my mom, who loves the ocean and has many memories of New England. At her age she may not have another opportunity to visit...She is presently in the hospital recovering from a mild bout of pneumonia, but should be released today and in truth has probably benefited from the pampering of the nurses and their admonitions to eat and drink more. She sometimes overexerts herself and expects to keep going with scarcely more than a few mouthfuls of food, yet always seems to keep her spirits high and find the good in people....
The weather here in Warren has been spectacular this week, with sunshine and temperatures in the mid 70's...Upon returning from the east I was again struck by the compact, humble beauty of this town, set in the low mountains of western PA and purring along at a relaxed, rural pace which the populated areas to the east can no longer offer.Everything one needs is within walking distance, at least so long as one can walk a mile or two. If not,a bicycle path leads to the end of town and there are buses. The somewhat depressed economy and isolation are paradoxically the source of it's charm, so I envision tourism to the nearby Kinzua lake and the Allegheny forest as the primary opportunity for growth. This area truly is an undiscovered gem with beauty and allure exceeding the more famous Poconos.
I shall have to refocus my attention to the book after all these distractions, but the time away has been necessary for perspective and inspiration...I do not have writer's 'blocks' so much as grow weary from too many words and need to balance analytical thinking with simple, practical Living... so doing things like painting and changing oil and other everyday tasks-without Thinking- offers a Reality that the inner life lacks.