This will be a long entry, so bear with me...It might be meaningful to someone... To begin, here is a journal entry I made on March 3rd, 1993:
" I passed my walk in a trance of sorts, conversing with what could be described as my 'soul'-the soul of 'me'-convinced at the time and with all certainty that this was my 'spirit', that part of me in eternity, separate from my humanity as though a separate person, wholly calm and rational and quite patient with the hundred questions 'I' asked of 'it', not wishing to relinquish it's serenity and seeking to know it's source. This 'spirit' called itself my soul as of only One soul-a part of the eternal that was manifested in my present physical form-and revealed with 'God' as the source, the 'cement' of all souls, the Oversoul of sorts, the timeless, formless spiriuality in which all souls passed while occasionally touching as needed the temporal existence of material reality. I asked why I did not always 'feel' it's presence, to which it replied that I forget to ask or hadn't always the need. As I had recently been reminded of pain from some seven years earlier, I suspected that this internal 'power' had been rekindled as a 'shield' against a similiar loss of identity, although whether a figment of my imagination or an 'external' spirit was of no consequence to me at that moment. Neither was I feeling anxious or emotional at that point in my life, and my daily walk had started normally when I had exited my car. At length I became mesmerized by this serene state for a full hour and a half as I sauntered over several miles. At one point I asked if the 'answers' it gave were not merely repetitions of things I had read in some book of religion, to which it replied that these answers were similar because other persons had had comparable experiences and also had written them down. At the time I was convinced of the 'truth' of that answer, so 'real' was the experience. I asked if 'souls' were reincarnated, and if insects and the like had 'souls', to which 'it' answered 'yes', and referred to a fly that was crawling on the snow. Part of the insects 'soul' was human once but preferred being an insect because an insect does not feel pain nor joy as a human does, only a more routine existence. I asked why people fight wars, etc, to which it replied that some people ignore their soul/spirit in materialistic pursuits-just as I and most people ignored and forgot our higher parts in our day to day lives. Despite the many kinds of humans-some more cognizant of 'ethereal' ideas than others- avoidance or ignorance did not diminish the 'reality' of spirit- pursuit of material knowledge was noble while in the living state, but that all returned to 'spirit/soul' in the end. 'It' said that there was no Time, that whether a soul passed one human lifetime or twenty as a tree, it was nothing to it and one was simply back where one started. The 'spirit' reported that there were a "few other planets with intelligent life", but unlikely to be contacted within the existence of Earth. When I asked about some selfish practices I had been conscious of within myself, it replied without judgement that they were mere 'human quirks' of This lifetime and simply to temper them with love and respect for others...This conversation was so real that four hours later I was puzzled as to it's meaning. When I first became aware of the 'duality' of my personality my immediate reaction was 'I am Not insane' and at no time thereafter did I not accept the absolute Truth of the phenomenon as at least being the final source of my identity as 'Me'-my 'soul' as opposed to my 'brain', with the distinction at the time as somehow being real and Important. I broke contact hesitantly, so contented was it's influence, although this 'spirit' assured me that it was always there whenever I wished or needed. It was, in effect, my main 'angel', my direct line to the 'spirtual' levels if I wished to keep them open."
March 2nd, 1993:
"I walk with my 'soul' for another hour this morning, probing it for its reality, and remain convinced at least of the reality of the Certainty of it's strength and serenty. It tells me that I am unconvinced simply because I am human and prone to rational explanations, that in the end I can not and will not deny it's enduring 'ethereal reality'. At death all return to the Source, the soul that is woven through materialism and communicates through sensations and impressions and, in a more limited sense, words. It tells me that our forgetting is one source of the purpose of being and of our questions. My questions about the origin of Matter were dismissed as having no relevance, for matter does not exist except as part of the whole Energy. Existence always was, and Is, 'timelessly'. When I asked if 'God' invented the Universe, it replied that God Is the Universe, and to deny the reality of 'God/soul/spirit' did not change the Reality of it. I recall the word "tentacles" as being used to describe how 'soul' touches and bridges the material world, so that the 'souls' of say, insects and humans do not differ so much as are conduits of the same non- material, eternal Unity- the 'One'- that infuses everything."
2007:
My interpretations of that experience, and other mystical experiences I have had since then, remain the foundation of all my faith, but there is never any knowing for certain. I mean, what distinqushes talking to angels from talking to devils but the benevolent nature of the message, and one does not need spiritual explanations for altruistic behaviors. I have read the science of Darwin and Einstein, and heard the arguments of Dawkins and Hitchens and many others, and I have read the Bible and the Koran and Buddhist texts and Life after Life books and all the rest. I have passed thousands of hours in solitary meditations and ripped myself apart to try to find the truth. In my youth I recall arguing that 'life is all chemicals', so I did not start out looking for spiritualism, rather my introspections led me in that direction. I call my self a skeptical optimist who finds his redemption in the reports of near death experiencers, whose stories of unconditional love and acceptance and Unity are closest to what I experienced. Transcendent sensations can no more be proven to be 'real' with logic and rational thought than an orgasm can be proven to be pleasureable. They are what the scientists call 'qualia' and I suspect will always be beyond our measurements. I could just as soon 'prove' that an electrode in the brain can elicit feelings similar to a candelight dinner, but that would not be the same experience. Nothing is ever all 'in the mind' if consciousness is continually being formed instant to instant from the inner And the outer realities. With no real boundaries at the quantum level it is all what I call a 'constructed illusion'-an evaporate of the instant-a human part of the Universal Intelligence...I rather believe that our finest measuring tool to intuit reality is consciousness itself -that is if we can avoid self delusion. Even atheism requires a profound faith in rationalism, and I have not observed that science and technology have been our saviors-at least not without the wisdom to apply them.
So what has any of this to do with the Ten Commandments? -Simply that because all thought is self affecting and influences how we live and what our societies become-as well as the pain or joy we cause one another, rules such as the commandments-religious curruptions aside- can offer ideals for making our lives a little more empathetic. I do not suscribe to particular religions, rather believe in the potential for good that resides in every human being. GOD in that sense is the Love we find within us and express in our actions. The common tenet "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", is not enough in a world where religious zealots and other sociopaths commit murder in the name of 'God'- as if that kind of hate and anger and negativity have anything to do with the benevolent, Positive energy of a truly Loving spirit. So I would add that one should also "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them"... Seen from that perspective few people would defend the murderous and oppressive behaviors we see in some cultures of this world. If a religion-or any human being- does not practice love and tolerance and peace, it has been distorted by ego and politics into something less, but it remains the responsibility of individuals to enlighten themselves to higher ideals.
